Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
