Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
