I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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