i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
