The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
