Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
