Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
