she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
