i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
