your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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