lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Randomize
