My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
