i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
