You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
