he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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