Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you will always have a special place in my vag
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
