Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
