and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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