Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
