I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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