My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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