you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
