Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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