he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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