Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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