Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
