Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
