i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
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