you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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