I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
