So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
