im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
