I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
