I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So here I am, sexting at work.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
