Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
