So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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