During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
