can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Im part way to drunk.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
