That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
