Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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