Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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