I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
