wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
