At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
