i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
