yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
