How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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