please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
