How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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