Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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