as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
