is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
