I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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