mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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